Marcus Crompton
Übermensch

About Marcus Crompton

Location:

United Kingdom

Interests:

It was on the day of the Glasgow Trade fair I set forth and wandered Along the greening dewy glens with underpants unlaundered Eight pot noodles and a mouldy tent made sure of my survival In Scotlands misted wilderness and ultimate arrival At lovely Cannich YHA extolled in works of fiction I happily set down my pack and explored the members kitchen Hostellers from far and wide with cheery beards and sandals Went busily about their tasks with not a hint of scandal A friendly german couple sat and shared their boiled potatoes Earnest cyclists compared pumps and talked of close-set ratios A red-faced girl spoke softly of her rambling holiday Whilst I cleaned my boots and stowed my anorak away But shortly after eight o-clock as we played a game of rummy The warden came to the common-room his demeanour far from sunny Gather round all hostellers He tore the calm assunder We sat stock-still stopped mid-deal and listened as he thundered I have something I must say to you Something I never thought in my WILDEST dreams I would EVER have to say Something awful something terrible has happened in the male ablutions Someone a small child perhaps or possibly a dog But judging by the size of what is there I doubt it very much Has left a THINGYon the floor yes EXCREMENT has been DEPOSITED there Would the person who did this terrible thing please put their hand up now If no-one owns up I shall have no choice but to report ALL OF YOU To the SCOTTISH YOUTH HOSTELS ASSOCIATION The longest silence came and went we sat and shook with fear But no-one put their hand up no-one did I hear Admit that they had done the deed and pooed upon the floor The warden gave out one last sigh and turned and closed the door